This article is for general informational purposes only and is not legal advice. Custody and visitation outcomes depend on the facts of each case and the terms of any existing court order.
Thanksgiving, winter break and New Year's Eve can bring out the best in a family, and they can also put the most pressure on a parenting arrangement. Parents who share custody often find that a schedule that works fine in October falls apart the week before Thanksgiving, when travel plans, extended family and school breaks all collide.
A clear holiday custody schedule takes much of that pressure off. When both parents know in advance who has the children, when the exchange happens and how travel is handled, there is less room for last-minute arguments and fewer chances for the children to feel caught in the middle. This guide explains how Alexandria parents can build a holiday plan, what Virginia courts look at when parents cannot agree, and what to do if the other parent does not follow the order.
If you already have a holiday dispute coming up, call The Alvarez Law Firm at (703) 888-0959 to talk through your options before the break begins.
Key Points
- A holiday schedule usually sits on top of the regular parenting schedule and takes priority over it during the dates it covers.
- Common approaches include alternating holidays by year, splitting the day, splitting school breaks and assigning fixed holidays to each parent.
- When parents cannot agree, Virginia courts decide custody and visitation based on the best interests of the child under Va. Code § 20-124.3.
- Specific details, such as exchange times, travel notice and makeup time, prevent many of the disputes that vague orders create.
- Once a court order is in place, informal changes can cause problems later. A written agreement or a court modification is the safer route.
Why a Holiday Custody Schedule Needs Its Own Plan
Most parenting plans are built around the school year: a weekly or every-other-weekend rotation, with exchanges on set days. Holidays do not fit neatly into that pattern. Thanksgiving falls on a Thursday, winter break can stretch across two weeks, and some holidays move from year to year. If the plan only describes the regular rotation, one parent may end up with every Christmas morning simply because of how the calendar falls.
That is why many parents and courts treat the holiday schedule as a separate layer. During the dates it covers, the holiday schedule controls. When the holiday ends, the regular rotation picks back up. Spelling out that order of priority avoids one of the most common arguments: whether the holiday schedule or the regular weekend rotation wins when the two overlap.
A holiday plan also gives children something they need during a stressful time, which is predictability. Knowing where they will wake up on a holiday morning lets children look forward to time with each parent instead of worrying about it.
Common Ways to Divide the Holidays
There is no single required format in Virginia. Parents can choose the structure that fits their family, their work schedules and the distance between their homes. These are some of the most common options.
Alternating Holidays by Year
One parent has Thanksgiving in even-numbered years and the other has it in odd-numbered years, with the opposite pattern for another holiday. This approach is simple to track and gives each parent every holiday over time. It works well for parents who live far apart or who travel to see extended family.
Splitting the Holiday Itself
Some parents divide a single day, such as one parent having the morning and the other having the afternoon and evening. This lets children see both parents on the holiday, but it only works when the homes are close together and the exchange can happen smoothly. For families living within Alexandria or nearby Fairfax County, a split day can be realistic.
Dividing School Breaks
Winter break is often split into two halves, with the parents alternating which half they receive each year. Clear start and end times matter here. A plan that says "first half of winter break" invites disagreement, while a plan that names the exchange day and time does not.
Fixed Holidays
Some holidays naturally belong to one parent every year. Mother's Day and Father's Day are the most common examples. Parents may also assign a holiday permanently to the parent whose family or faith traditions center on it.
Details That Prevent Holiday Disputes
The structure of the schedule matters less than the details written into it. Vague language is where most holiday conflicts start. A strong holiday plan usually addresses the following points.
- Exact exchange times and places: Name the day, the time and the location for each exchange rather than relying on phrases like "the evening before."
- Which schedule controls: State that the holiday schedule takes priority over the regular rotation and when the regular rotation resumes.
- Travel notice: If either parent plans to travel out of town or out of state with the children, set a notice deadline and require an itinerary and contact information.
- Transportation: Decide who drives, who pays for travel and how exchanges work if a flight is involved.
- Communication with the other parent: Many plans allow a phone or video call with the other parent on the holiday itself.
- Makeup time: Address what happens if a holiday is missed because of illness, weather or a travel delay.
Writing these points down before the holidays arrive is far easier than negotiating them in the middle of a disagreement. A shared calendar app can also help both parents keep track of the schedule and avoid simple misunderstandings.
What Virginia Courts Consider When Parents Cannot Agree
Many parents work out a holiday schedule on their own or through mediation, and a court will often approve a reasonable agreement. When parents cannot agree, the court decides. In Virginia, custody and visitation decisions are based on the best interests of the child, and Va. Code § 20-124.3 lists the factors a court considers.
Those factors include the age and physical and mental condition of the child, the relationship between the child and each parent, the role each parent has played in the child's upbringing, and each parent's willingness to support the child's relationship with the other parent. A court may also consider the reasonable preference of a child it finds to be of reasonable intelligence, understanding, age and experience to express one.
In practice, this means a judge is not looking for which parent "deserves" a holiday. The focus is on what arrangement serves the child. A parent who shows flexibility and a willingness to share important days with the other parent is generally in a stronger position than one who treats the holidays as a contest. Our child custody lawyers can help you present a proposal that keeps that focus front and center.
Changing a Holiday Schedule That No Longer Works
A schedule that made sense when children were toddlers may not fit once they are in school, involved in activities or old enough to have their own plans. Parents can agree to change the schedule, but an informal agreement can be hard to enforce if things change again. Putting the new arrangement in writing and, when appropriate, submitting it to the court for approval protects both parents.
If the other parent will not agree, a parent can ask the court to modify custody or visitation. In general, Virginia courts look at whether there has been a material change in circumstances since the last order and whether the requested change is in the child's best interests. Because court calendars can fill up, parents who want a change in place before a particular holiday should start the process well in advance. Parents going through a divorce can build the holiday schedule into the settlement from the start.
What to Do If the Other Parent Does Not Follow the Order
When a parent refuses to exchange the children on schedule or keeps them past the agreed time, the situation can feel urgent. Staying calm protects both the children and your case. Avoid confrontations at the exchange point, and do not withhold the children in response.
Instead, keep a record of what happened, including dates, times and any written messages. Save texts and emails rather than relying on memory. Then speak with an attorney about your options. Depending on the circumstances, a parent may be able to ask the court to enforce the order. A court may also consider a parent's repeated refusal to follow the schedule when deciding future custody questions.
If you are dealing with a broader custody conflict, our guide to what Virginia's child custody laws mean for parents covers the basics of how custody works in the Commonwealth.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does the holiday schedule override the regular custody schedule?
In most parenting plans, yes. The holiday schedule usually controls during the dates it covers, and the regular rotation resumes afterward. The exact answer depends on the language of your order, so check it carefully or have an attorney review it.
Can we change the holiday schedule without going back to court?
Parents can agree to trade or adjust holidays, but informal changes can be hard to enforce later. Putting the agreement in writing, and asking the court to approve a lasting change, gives both parents more protection.
Can my child choose where to spend the holidays?
A child does not get to decide on their own, but Va. Code § 20-124.3 allows a court to consider the reasonable preference of a child it finds mature enough to express one. That preference is one factor among several.
What should a holiday custody schedule include?
At a minimum, it should list each holiday, which parent has it in which years, exact exchange times and places, travel notice rules and how makeup time works. The more specific the plan, the fewer disputes it tends to create.
What can I do if my co-parent keeps the children past the holiday?
Document what happened, avoid confrontations and contact an attorney. Depending on the facts, you may be able to ask the court to enforce the existing order. Call (703) 888-0959 to discuss your situation.
Do we need a lawyer to set up a holiday custody schedule?
Not always. Many parents reach an agreement on their own. An attorney can still help you spot gaps in the plan, draft clear language and make sure the agreement is properly submitted to the court so it can be enforced.
Ready to Get Started with The Alvarez Law Firm?
Call (703) 888-0959 to speak with our team directly. Our bilingual attorneys help Alexandria parents create, update and enforce holiday custody arrangements so the focus can stay on the children. Learn more about our family law services or reach out today. Call The Alvarez Law Firm at (703) 888-0959 or visit us at 50 South Pickett St #110, Alexandria, VA 22304.